oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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