She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
