I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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