Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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