At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize