i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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