Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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