Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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