Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
