The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
