Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
