Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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