I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
