i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The air taste purple.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
