so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
