We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
