I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize