if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
