It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
