fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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