And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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