Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
