worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
