how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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