the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You are a booty call, not a friend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
