so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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