also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
