Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
