she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
