saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
