in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
