I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
