Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am mentally ready for anal.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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