:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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