i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
