someone get that fucking seahorse.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize