and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
