eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
