Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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