why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
