i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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