Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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