First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize