he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
