Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
