I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
