glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
