you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
