we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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