so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
