last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
