it was like his penis was on wheels.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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