I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
