broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
