Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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