Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
