Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
