Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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