Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
