i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
