I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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