party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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