My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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